Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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