I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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