you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
