I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
