i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
