At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
