apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
