I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
