i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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