I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
