Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
