I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
