I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
