you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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