he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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