you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
