Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
