your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
