I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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