remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
