She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
