Having a random hookup so left but love u
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
