I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
