She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just want nice things and good sex
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
