Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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