there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I wear drunk well.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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