As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
There's even glitter on my cock...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
