they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
