idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
