He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
