I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
