I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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