I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
