she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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