Define "chronic" masturbator.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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