No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
