Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
