we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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