I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
