i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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