I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
