Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
