can we get nightvision for the apartment?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
