jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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