wrigley field is MILF paradise
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
