____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
