Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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