my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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