you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
