Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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