She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
