This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
