So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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