umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
