Soap is not a condiment
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
